Writing did not become a sudden passion or hobby of mine.

In fact, I never enjoyed writing when I was growing up, nor is it something I describe as a “passion”.

What writing is to me is a tool. I began writing because I saw it as a way to help myself improve.

An avenue to share my ideas with others, to have those ideas challenged, and to improve myself through feedback.

I love writing because it helps me build confidence, discover who I truly am, learn faster, and allows me to share ideas.

1. Confidence

Few things have had as large of an impact on my confidence and outlook as writing for one reason: Consistency.

The ability to be consistent, and gain compounding returns on your work, is the most powerful tool we have as humans.

I didn’t realize that I was truly capable of being consistent until I started writing.

As I saw the progress pile up, and my article list lengthen, I knew that I had the ability to accomplish any task I set my mind to.

That discovery is an incredibly powerful feeling, because you realize that anything is possible.

2. Self Discovery

We all have many versions of ourselves.

The person who we are when we’re with our the family.

The person we are when we spend time in friends.

The person that we bring to work every day.

And finally, the person that we are when we’re alone.

The thoughts and ideas you share with one group may not be the same. But they should be.

To align your thoughts, you need to discover who you truly are which can be a tough process. One of the best ways to do it though is to constantly put yourself out there.

Publish your ideas for everyone to see. When you do that, you can only be one person – Your true self.

3. Learning

Writing is a critical skill to learn and master for anyone who values communication, which in my opinion should be everybody.

The best way to learn anything is by creating a short feedback cycle.

Think about learning a basic skill like juggling. When you make a mistake, you drop a ball and immediately know what you did wrong.

The same goes with writing, but to get that feedback loop you can’t write in a vacuum.

You need to write out in the open. Publish your thoughts. Listen to people praise you. Critique you. Or most likely, ignore you.

Receiving feedback is the absolutely best way to improve.

4. Sharing

One of the greatest things about being human is our ability to share ideas.

At our current point in the history of the world, there are more ideas out there than any of us could ever consume.

So instead of coming up with completely new ideas (because that is next to impossible), the focus instead is around curating what is already out there.

Drawing lines between dots that people haven’t seen before.

Using a new method to express and old concept.

Sharing your own progress and your journey, so you can encourage and educate others.

The best thing about sharing ideas, is that people will reach back out and share their own.

If anything I wrote here resonates, let me know!

One of my good friends was recently throwing himself a “pity party” (his own words).

Here’s the situation he was in:

1. Working long hours. Easily 80+.
2. Had only taken 5 days off in the past 2 years.
3. Tried to ask for more. His company told him he was out of line.

Unsurprisingly, he works in finance. 

As somebody who previously started their career in finance, I know that the above is what is expected.

You get a large paycheck, but in turn you sacrifice ALL of your free time. It’s a career path that I specifically left because I was not willing to make that sacrifice (among other reasons).

Just because finance was not a fit for me though, doesn’t mean it’s a bad path to take. Overall he enjoys what he does, just not the long hours. Having been there myself, I had one piece of advice for him:

“You’ll never regret working hard, except if you miss an important life event.”

Thinking through this caused me to revisit an article I read a while back: Top five regrets in life.:

In summary, the top five regrets that people have when they die:

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not a life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

Many of us are running towards, or away, from something in life.

It’s difficult to know whether you are on the right path in life.

We are not alone though, and there are many who came before us.

We can learn from their experiences, and hopefully avoid the same mistakes they did.

Life is long and it will change over time. Just keep it all in perspective.

Like most people, I’ve had some major vices in my life.

They are pretty common ones. Video games. Weed (aka Cannabis). Alcohol.

For the longest time I thought to myself, I’ll change this… tomorrow.

Tomorrow would turn into next week. 

Next week would turn into the next month, which would turn into next year.

This dragged on and before I knew it I had spent a decade overindulging in vices.

I wasn’t going off the deep end or anything, but I knew there were imbalances in my life.

And it was making me deeply unhappy. Which further caused me to use vices as an escape mechanism.

Only recently have I been able to change and it wasn’t through sheer force of will.

It was because I started this blog.

What Causes a Vice

I believe vices are caused by two things:

1. A desire for small dopamine hits
2. A desire to escape current reality

Shopping and social media provide dopamine, alcohol and drugs allow you to escape reality. Video games give you both.

Vices for many are a safe place that can help you forget your day-to-day worries.

Worries such as anxiety you feel about the future. Stress you take home from work.

Whatever might be bothering you that day.

This issue with vices though, is that they often create negative feedback cycles.

You avoid what might be bothering you, or you chase another small dopamine hit. None of these actions fix the long-term, underlying issue though.

It just pushes issues out of your mind temporarily. Whenever I fell into this cycle, I would always think to myself “I’ll give this up”.

That never worked though, and I only realized now why it was the wrong approach.

Why Giving Up Alone Won’t Work

It’s impossible to give up a vice through sheer willpower. That is because your willpower is limited.

For so long, I tried to get rid of my bad habits using the classic approach of sheer willpower.

I would make it a New Years Resolution to give something up.

I’d try and create social pacts with friends to quit.

None of it worked. That’s because there is only a finite amount of willpower.

Once it’s depleted and you’re having a bad day, the first thing you will go to is your vice

That is why instead of relying on willpower, you need to instead replace the vice with something else.

Find something to do instead on both your good days and your bad.

How To Identify A Replacement

Don’t follow your passion. Trying to follow a “passion” is like trying to get rich by buying lottery tickets. 

Instead, set goals to accomplish, ideally ones that you can only do by putting in the work every single day.

My two current goals?

1. Write 52-articles in one year on this blog.
2. Learn to code. The best approach is to code every single day. Ideally for at least one hour.

Here are the reasons why this works:

1. This requires a daily commitment of time. Your hours in the day are limited, so you will have to give up something. If you have other responsibilities (like a job), that means that usually the first thing to go will be your vice.

2. You will know at the end of each day if you are putting in the effort required to reach your goal. It creates an immediate feedback loop.

3. It relies on an inherent motivation to get better. If you are trying to give up a vice you already have this motivation, focusing on a replacement activity just channels your time in a more effective way.

Hope this was helpful. It took me way too many years to figure out, but I’m glad I finally did.

1. Build something that’s uniquely yours.

It can be a skill, a business, a blog. It can be a social media following, a strong group of friends. It can even be a house (if you know how to build those).

Nothing is more rewarding in life than creating something that is entirely your own. It will take work, but you’ll be better off in the long run for it.

2. Run towards the hard things in life.

A surefire way to be successful is to work on what is hard. It may be doing the project at work that nobody else wants, it may be picking the major in college that requires extra work, or learning a new skill to stay relevant in your industry.

If it’s hard, you’ll have less competition. Life becomes a lot easier without competition.

3. Nobody knows anything for certain.

People will give you advice based on their own experiences (in fact, that’s what I’m doing now). Take all of it with a grain of salt. Do not ever listen to anybody who says “You’ll be successful if you follow this path”. Just because something worked for them does not mean that it will work for you.

Listen to those who teach you how to think, not those who tell you what to do.

4. Become multi-faceted.

For my entire life my sport was my identity. It was why I went to college and it was what I sunk my heart and soul into.

I’ll always remember during the final round of an interview when I was asked the question “So, do you do anything else besides sailing?”. I did not have an answer and I did not get the job.

You are the sum of many parts. Make all of those parts unique and make sure they count.

5. Everything you do is a tiny vote for who you are.

Life is the sum of the tiny decisions and actions we take every single day.

It’s easy to discount them in the short run, but over time they will begin to add up.

Whenever I add something to my schedule now I think “Is this helping you become the person you want to be?”.

The idea of a “Learning Style” was a concept that rocketed to fame in the 1970s. It’s based on the basic idea that different people learn in different ways.

If you went through America’s education system, it’s likely that at a certain point you were tested on your learning style. This was a basic test that at the end would spit out three specific learning styles: visual, auditory, or kinesthetic.

If you were a visual learner, you learn through charts & graphs, like to use images to explain concepts & ideas, and prefer graphics over words.

If you were an auditory learner, you learn best when the information is spoken out loud, prefer to attend lectures or participate in discussions, and process information by talking through things.

If you were a kinesthetic learner, you develop skills by taking a hands on approach and would recreate and practice new topics.

The one thing you didn’t learn though, is that none of the above is actually backed up by science. While people may have a personal preference on how they learn, there is zero evidence that links cognitive styles to specific neural systems. 

A 2009 study conclusively determined that even though people thought they learned in a certain way, this didn’t match up with how they actually learned. (i.e. people who were visual learners didn’t remember pictures better than other types of learners).

Don’t worry if you didn’t know this, 90% of teachers in a recent survey didn’t.

Now you might be saying, I’ve been a *insert your learning style here* learner my entire life! That is exactly what I thought before I wrote this article.

If you think you learn better through a specific style, that’s most likely due to confirmation bias (i.e. only accepting evidence that confirms your belief and ignoring all evidence that contradicts it). Once you look more closely at different skills you’ve learned, you’ll realize each was learned through a mix of styles. Based on what the skill was, one style usually dominated. Few examples:

1. Pottery: If you’re learning how to make clay pots, visuals and instructions will only get you so far. You’re going to have to work with your hands.

2. Language: If you want to speak a new language, the only way to know what proper pronunciation sounds like is by listening to somebody speak the language.

3. Anatomy: If you’re studying the layout of the different bones in the human body, you’ll need to visualize it so a diagram is going to be your best friend.

Since specific groups of activities usually benefit from one style, your preference is not linked to your learning style, but to what you enjoy learning. I always thought I was a kinesthetic learner, but turns out I prefer learning skills that require a hands on approach such as woodworking, pottery, brewing, etc.

Whenever I try to learn a new skill, I now take an all encompassing approach. I’ll read articles online, listen to podcasts on the subject, and then put what I’ve learned into practice. At the end of the day we don’t all learn differently, we all learn different things. If you want to truly master a specific subject, profession, hobby, or skill, you need to incorporate every single type of learning style.

When Yvon Chouinard started Patagonia in 1957, he did so with the goal of supporting his outdoor adventures. Since then the company has grown, yet it has stayed true to its mission of supporting, and protecting, the outdoors.

This overarching goal has led to some “odd” business decisions by Patagonia. Such as offering to repair damaged clothes (including its competitors), buying back old gear, and launching advertisements urging consumers to not buy their products.

The reason Patagonia does all this is because they have one thing they will not compromise on: Their mission to protect their environment. For them, that mission is their north star, the one thing that is non-negotiable.

Non-negotiables don’t just exist in business though. We all have areas of our life we won’t compromise on. The big difference though is knowing what those areas are, and the reasons behind it. Once you know what you absolutely won’t compromise on, it allows you to prioritize your time, make faster decisions, and focus on what truly matters.

What exactly is a non-negotiable?

A non-negotiable is what the name implies: it is something in your life that you will not compromise on. It may be the career you want, the hours of sleep you need per night, or the city you want to live in. It’s anything that you would not even think about negotiating.

It’s good to have a few non-negotiables in every area of your life so you have . I break mine out into the following four major categories:

1. Friends: The people you spend your free time with.

2. Family & Partners: Your serious “forever” relationships.

3. Career: Your professional focus.

4. Health: Your body.

Non-negotiables come in all shapes and sizes. They can be as small as always going on your annual family trip, or as big as choosing to only pursue a career in the non-profit space. The important part is understanding the underlying reason behind why you are making the decision. You may choose the trip because your family is the most important thing in your life. The non-profit space may be the only industry you want to work in because you need to make a positive difference.

Non-negotiables will likely change over time. If you are in your 20s, pursuing a specific career or spending time with friends are two common non-negotiables people pick. 

As you get older your focus shifts to your family and spending time with your loved ones. At certain times in life, focusing on your health will be a priority over everything else.

One of the keys to making non-negotiables work for you is to write them down. When you write something down, you greatly increase the chance of it actually happening. Then, once you know what you won’t compromise on in life you begin to get two major benefits:

1. Decisions are surprisingly easy. When you know exactly what you will and will not do, decisions become easier.  

2. It gives you a clearer sense of your priorities in life. Knowing what you do, and do not, value in life is key to living a fulfilling one. If you know you are constantly working to protect what is important, it helps bring peace of mind.

Non-negotiables allow you to immediately determine if something is worth considering. If it’s not, you’ll be able to provide a clear reason as to why and move on to whatever else is next.

How to determine your non-negotiables

Determining your non-negotiables does not have to be a difficult process. 

Just think back to the last time you were unhappy, losing sleep, or even worse losing your health.

For me, it was my first job where I spent 80% of my time on busy work (one of those jobs where you just did PowerPoint presentations 24/7). The position paid well, but I was learning little and I spent each day endlessly frustrated. After a year in the position I started to get migraines every week, and I knew something had to change.

After that experience, I added a new non-negotiable to my list. No jobs where I lacked autonomy and would end up doing busy work.

If you’re still trying to determine what your non-negotiables are, ask yourself the following three questions:

1. What do I absolutely dread in my day-to-day? How can I change that?
2. What do I enjoy the most about my day-to-day? How do I get more of that?
3. Am I in control of any of these options?

For example, if the thing you dread most about your day-to-day is showering, then you’re probably out of luck. Having good hygiene is a non-negotiable if you want others to like you (or at least like smelling you).

If it’s something that you can change though, such as your daily commute, that’s a much more realistic change to make. A key factor in many people’s job choices is whether it’s remote or a short distance away.

Determining what you absolutely need in life is a difficult task, and you can usually only find the answer through experience. Therefore, you’ll have many fewer things on your list when you’re younger. Once you determine what your non-negotiables are though, you’re one step closer to living the life that you want.