James Barry

An AMAZING song by Audioslave, and also a terrible piece of advice.

If I had a dime for every time that I read “Be Yourself, Be Authentic, Be Real”, I would have at least 100 dimes. Maybe 200. But definitely not 500.

Be Yourself is advice that people who have already “figured out life” give because… their current state is who they believe they were meant to be.

For the rest of us though, “Be Yourself” can be shitty advice.

Here is why:

We’re Constantly Changing:

The person you are at 15 is a lot different from who you are at 18, which is even more different from who you are at 25.

I’m only 27 (at the time of penning this article), and only in this past year have I felt like I’ve started to hit maturity.

And because I know what the Dunning-Kruger effect is, I realize that I’m not even close to being mature.

Part of being alive is accepting that who you are will change.

We all will move forward, and need to embrace the chance as it comes.

We All Have Bad Qualities:

Except for Fred Rogers. He’s the example of the best a human can be. He should be himself 😊.

For the rest of us ordinary humans, we all have things that we should, and can, improve upon.

It may be how we treat others.

It could be the vices we give into.

But most likely, it is how we treat ourselves. I know I can always improve in that area.

None of us will ever be perfect, and that’s a good thing.

So don’t just be yourself, strive to be somebody better.

But It’s Not All Bad:

Being yourself is actually fairly good advice.

As long as you think about what you can’t change.

The parts of your personality, your character, your upbringing that make you… well YOU!

Those parts you should embrace. Everything that you can’t change.

The atomic units that build up the incredibly unique individuals that we all are.

For me… those characteristics are being loud, being opinionated, and making decisions quickly.

Your qualities are what makes you unique, and even if you don’t like them, they are there to stay.

At The End of the Day…

This post was written tongue and cheek. 👅

Be Yourself is probably one of my favorite sayings.

There is nothing wrong with embracing yourself, fully.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t, and shouldn’t, try and improve.

Who you are right now is just a moment in time.

So yes, be yourself.

But also strive to be somebody better.

Our choices are driven by many factors.

• Background (how we were raised): If you grew with a specific religion, you’re more likely on average to continue following it.
• Personality: If you don’t like meeting new people, you will gravitate towards doing solo activities.
• Physical Limitations: If you can’t run due to an injury, you won’t be doing any marathons.
• Social Circle: It’s easier to do what your friends do.

Three of the four above factors are outside your control. You don’t pick how you were raised. You don’t choose your personality, and you definitely don’t decide physical limitations. Those are all given to you.

What you do pick though, is your social circle. Specifically, how it influences the decisions you make.

From a young age I always had a big desire to fit in. (Don’t we all?)

To have friends. To get invited to parties. To be liked.

So the majority of decisions I made were influenced by that end goal. How could I ensure I had a large social circle?

As time progressed and I met more people, it became easier to achieve this goal. My default answer just became saying “yes” when people asked me to do anything.

It makes sense. The more often you yes, the more often people will invite you to do something.

Time was never a consideration. The amount of time it takes to travel. The collective months of life lost to being hungover. The time that I didn’t devote to pursuing other things.

Saying yes to what others want to do can be a great default earlier on in life.

After a certain point though, it should no longer be the default.

Instead, ask yourself this question: “What Would You Do If Other People Didn’t Matter?”

Maybe you’ll spend your scarce time just a bit differently.